- Lamp and I dated for four years after we fell in love. We were married on a dull summers day in June, things went downhill from there. People on the street would ask “Say 'I love lamp', go on say it!” but it had gotten to the stage where I could no longer bring myself to say it, the magic was gone between me and lamp, and we both knew it. Sometimes I’d wake up in the dead of night and see lamp flickering on the balcony, I always pretended to be asleep, couldn’t bring myself to confront lamp, and face the reality that our love was lost… Lamp took very ill about 7 months after our marriage, lamp lost all control of it’s switch and would randomly turn on and off… It was so embarrassing, we stopped going out altogether, lamp used to just sit in the corner all day and night, switching on and off. I found myself confiding in the fridge, we had grown close since the wedding, fridge had helped organize the wedding and was the best fridge for the ceremony. One thing led to another and I ended up having a sordid affair with fridge, all the while lamp would lay in bed turning on and off… and on and off. One day lamp didn’t turn back on, it hit me harder than I expected, fridge couldn’t handle the sadness of it all. All my food went bad after fridge left, I used to interfere with the toaster on lonely nights, but it wasn’t the same, so one lonely night, I took toaster to the bath with me.
- On the way to the bathroom, toaster in one hand a bottle of JD in the other, I was startled to see my path was blocked, fridge had returned, and was standing right in the doorway. I felt a shock of panic run up my spine as I became very aware of how pathetic I must have looked. Fridge was looking better then ever, a nice clean white shimmering sheen, truly beautiful. A single trickle of water escaped it’s upper unit, I guess it was unplugged, it seemed more shocked than me. Toaster became very uncomfortable in my hand, I let it down and it slid away, like a wounded animal. I said to fridge “I never thought I’d see you again” Fridge just looked at me, I realized had Fridge been one minute later, that statement would have been true. I invited it to the sitting room where we sat in silence and I stared at the bottle of Jd in my hand, I looked at the vcr, it was blinking 08:36. I stood up, unable to look at fridge, “Would you like a drink, coffee or tea maybe”? Fridge just sat there humming “Coffee it is…”. In the kitchen as the kettle boiled I felt a rush of anger guilt and pain, why had it come now, why today, why THAT moment. I sighed a deep sigh and looked down at a knife resting by the sink, I stared at it and felt myself turn numb. The click of the kettle shook me, I poured two cups of coffee and started back to the sitting room.
- Fridge had stopped humming and was staring down at the coffee table at “Your home appliances weekly”, I used to flick through every issue hoping to catch a glimpse of my lamp, my lost love. As I leaned down and placed Fridge's coffee I noticed it appeared as if it was about to cry. “I wouldn’t have done it you know” I said obviously lying, Fridge turned slightly away from me. It was so bizarre to have Fridge back on my couch, the same couch we used to make love on. I sat on the sofa and stared at the blinking vcr… The coffee was warm in my hands, didn’t realize how much I needed it. “So tell me, how have you been, what brings you here?” Fridge stood up, dropped something in my lap, and started towards the hall… There was that rush of panic again “Wait! Don’t leave, I have so much to say to you, so much to ask” Fridge turned and stared deep into my eyes, I felt threatened, like it could see through me, to my pathetic core. I glanced away to the floor, it was unswept and dusty, Fridge surprised me with a tight embrace, kissed my cheek and left before I could hug back. I felt all the life drain out of me as it walked out that door once again... How many times in my life must I watch my loved one’s leave. I wish I had hugged back, I wish I had thought of something meaningful to say, I wish I had gone after Fridge and confessed the love I still had for it. But I didn’t. I stood in the hall, my mind blank, and eventually retreated back to the living room… On the floor was an envelope, of course Fridge had dropped something, I forgot in the rush to stop her. It was a wedding invitation, to Fridge’s wedding, my hands trembled and tears fell from my eyes as I opened it, it was such a pretty invitation, on that watermarked cardboardy paper, care had been given to these invitations… She was marrying Ford fiesta, my old car, that ************* bastard!
- I kept my foot firmly down on the accelerator, looking over my bottle of vodka as I tried to keep the pick up straight. I think I had been drinking for 24 hours, maybe 48, I wanted to be prepared… Toaster was in the passenger seat with a map and the invitation. “I’m coming fridge, come hell or high water… I’m coming”. I wore the same suit I wore to my wedding, it was the only suit I still had. “How much longer to the exit” I said sharply to Toaster, Toaster didn’t respond “Well **** YOU ANYWAY, you’re fucken lucky I let you come!” Toaster was wearing an old dolls purple dress, it looked terrible but I needed a date, I wanted Fridge to know what it was missing. I remembered the exit anyway, I had come out this way to buy cheap tyres with Lamp once, Lamp complained the whole way saying “What’s wrong with the tyres you have, we’re driving on them right now aren’t we?”… I saw a sign on the road, “Fiesta wedding next exit”, it had flowers and balloons tied, “Jeez Fridge, have some ******* tact…”. Toaster grunted “**** you” I said as I raised the vodka to my mouth and took a long deep slug, the bottle shot out of my hand and smashed against the windscreen and the steering wheel clubbed me in the face. I came to slumped over the wheel “Wtf is this ****” The pick up was in a ditch, got the right exit though. Toaster was in a heap next to me “I told you to wear your ******* seat-belt you ****” I picked it up and brushed it off. I got out and looked at the situation “Yeah we’re ok it’s not in too deep” I shouted back to toaster. I unhooked the winch and slung it around a sturdy looking lamppost across the street, it crawled out making some unhealthy grinding noises, I got in and it started up straight away. “Right **** this **** let’s go” I put my foot down and heard a crash behind me “Oops, there goes the winch”… Toaster sighed. I checked my reflection, my brow was busted pretty bad. I fished under the seat and pulled out a bottle of Tullamore Dew, popped the lid and drank deep, then poured some over the wound, and then all over toaster. I saw the church in the distance, an old ruin that people regularly used for semi-outdoor weddings, it was the perfect day for a wedding, the sun was climbing the sky, the early heat hinted to a nice day. “You know toaster, maybe I shouldn’t have come”… Toaster looked at me with contempt “**** - You - Shea” I slapped it upside the head “Don’t you ever talk to me like that you filthy whore”….
Found it, wrote it months ago, listen to this while you read for effect hehe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsnKZj...
- We left the truck behind and walked on foot, it was a long and hot walk, we approached the ruined church, the entrance facing back down the road we had been walking for far too long. As I came closer I slid around the side of the church, I didn’t want anyone to see me coming. The ceremony had started, I could hear the murmur of friends and family and some church organ. I looked over my shoulder, toaster was gone, I spat through my teeth “****”… I snapped the slide back cocking my .45 and peered through a hole in the old granite building, fiesta was there, looking shiny and sleek, *******, fridge was looking radiant as ever, such a beautiful dress. My jaw dropped, the priest was a lamp, I’d seen many lamps since my lamps passing, but at that moment, my mind invaded with memories of my wedding, come to think of it, that was the happiest moment in my life, what happened, what had gone wrong… I was wearing the very same suit I wore that day, that long dead distant day, it seemed more then a lifetime ago, that person was dead, this suit is tattered and torn, I am now just the corpse that inhabits it, and it is a ghost. And now, right now, as I recall this, I am slouched where I stood, listening to the ceremony go on behind me. I shouldn’t have come, I feel trapped alone pathetic and so very far from home, wherever the **** that may be. I can’t stop thinking about lamp, I can’t stop thinking about my lamp… Christ, how did this happen. But I know, and you know, there is only one end to this story.